He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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