yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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