The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
