I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All the doctor said was why
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize