My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
