New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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