I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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