brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
