I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
