so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
