i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
