The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
