Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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