There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
