1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
