So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
