It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
