made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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