im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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