I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
