it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
