yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
