Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
