Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
