Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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