i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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