hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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