He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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