Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
