Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
