So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
