Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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