I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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