I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
