Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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