I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
