I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
