saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
