wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
