I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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