Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
