Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
