I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
