i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
