I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
