i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm always down for nudity.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
