my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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