$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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