Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
