I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
