You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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