It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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