Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
