So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
