Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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