im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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