Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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