Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
