Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
