i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
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On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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