Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
