i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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