She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
