You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
