i think my mom watched the whole time
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
