Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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