Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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