if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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