Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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