Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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