I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dignity is for republicans.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
