I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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