omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
