I'd wear matching sweaters with you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
