He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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